Poem thing, maybe a song later

I was not as productive as I would have liked to be today. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. I really want to collage. Yesterday was pretty productive. I jammed with two of my friends at the music practice space we rent together and it was good. I still don't really know what I'm doing, but we have a rough song laid out and it's exciting.

I tried singing some writing I did a few weeks ago along with it. I don't know if it really works, but maybe I can use it for something else later.

I liked you better when you hated yourself
I'd get you high just by asking for help
You loved me harder when you had nowhere to go
You tried to give me it all
All I wanted was growth
Projecting illusions onto a cavernous screen
Dissolving desires evaporate into nothing

And then here are two super stream-of-consciousness bits I wrote down in my sketchbook. I always revert to elementary/middle school when I'm struggling to write. Lame, I know - I was actually told by a TA that I need to get out of high school - but it's a really vivid time in my memory and it helps me get stuff out when I can't think of anything else.

1.

I chased you in a field
I drove a car to the bottom of the ocean
To see you in my dreams
Black eyes like death
You sucked me in
Your blue Speedo lunchbox
Your trip to France
Your dad's cluttered notecard
You brushed the hair out of my face
You left a rectangular bruise on my leg with a hairbrush
I could the smell chlorine saturated in your scalp
I wanted to touch you so badly
Your fake stories
An ex-girlfriend dead in a car crash
Another in the arms of an Elvis impersonator
Getting busted with a blunt
You with a noose around your neck
How full of shit are you?
Maybe you're not anymore
Maybe I should let this go

2.

Your hands are orange
Your face is orange
You said you could make a mess in a white room naked
I never thought I could envy you the way that I do
What they say isn't true
God was your best friend, then Michelle
The nature lady said dogs didn't have feelings
We silently disagreed
You spoke Japanese in your sleep
But I'm pretty sure you were faking it
We smeared frosting on our faces
Embodied the Red Scare
Laughed at all the losers buying blenders
You quit high school because of homecoming
And developed a craving for strawberries
I should've let you continue holding his hand